Here’s Exactly How to Make Woman-On-Top Sex So Very, Very Good

Being on top is often touted as THE way to take control of your pleasure, make sexual activity ( specially acute sex ) feel the room you always thought it should, and give you orgasms all over the place. And sure, it *can* do those things, or some of ’em, or possibly even none of the above. And all of that is normal. Listen, being on top can be ace vulnerable. Like, being all naked up there can bring up stupid fears about how you look or whether you ‘re secretly badly in sleep together. Is there a veracious way to move, and is that what you are doing ? ? ? Aaah ! If we ‘re being substantial here : Being on top international relations and security network ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate always a easy as it looks. a lot as we might all want to channel our inner cowgirl, sometimes it ‘s just easier said than done. Yeah, there ‘s the previous proverb that being on top can lead to a better chance of orgasm as bonus, but sometimes you ’ re precisely feeling shy ! Being on top during sex puts you in a vulnerable position and it can be intimidating and catchy to master for some. If you ‘re having perturb feeling confident when you ‘re on top during sex, do n’t worry ! Because here ‘s the thing : There are tons of helpful tricks and tips to mastering how to do woman-on-top. From spelling certain letters or words with your hips, grabbing onto a surface to stabilize yourself, and adding toys into the mix, there are a short ton of actionable ways to improve your on-top experience. And if it ‘s truly not for you, that ‘s wholly valid, and we ‘ve even got tips on how to tell your collaborator that in a direction that wo n’t make you feel aflutter or put on the blot. hera, a few arouse experts and educators share their top tips for mastering this position without breaking a perspiration, based on questions they get all. the. clock time.

1. “I have a hard time orgasming in this position. Are there any toys that can help?”

Most of us ca n’t orgasm with penetration alone, so go ahead and throw some stimulating toys in the mix : “ I love love LOVE toys and constantly use them during sex ! If I am in cowgirl, I like to opt for a bullet train vibration or a minor wand because it ‘s easier for me to reach my clitoris and not overwhelm myself with sensations, ” says Cheyenne Davis, a writer and technical in this space., couples ‘ toys and can besides make a large remainder. And besides : “ I have two words for you … anal plugs. Those two words can besides be prefaced by ‘vibrating ‘ or ‘warming. ‘ Get on top and have your spouse record you, then while you ’ re ride and open to pleasure, give your partner license to apply an anal lubricant and slide the spark plug in. It ’ s like orgasm-inducing double penetration, minus the extra sweaty body, ” says Blaire Adler, sex expert for .

2. “I am feeling really self-conscious right now and I HATE being on top. Any advice?”

“ I normally DESPISE being on top ! ” says Cheyenne Davis. “ As a fat femme who normally has partners that are smaller than I am, I did n’t constantly feel supported when I got on top. I normally did most of the work, and it made me very turned off very promptly. however, after trying it with a more caring and pleasure-centric partner, I found that the best manner to go about it is to do it where we are both sitting, and I can rock my hips quite than bounce with unsteady knees. ” Basically, go ahead and move around ( and communicate with your spouse ! ) until you find what feels right to you. “ I had to find ways to embrace my body and not feel awkward or insecure about my stomach or buttocks being in the way, ” she adds. “ Sex is a beautiful thing for ALL bodies to enjoy, and during the pandemic while being on an indefinite sex break, I learned to love my body. Although I still am not a HUGE winnow of being on top, becoming more body inert has helped me with being more unfold to revisiting being on top once I start having arouse again. ” besides worth remember : “ If you do feel uncomfortable being on top you can constantly communicate that and try early positions. I am a fast believer of constant and clear communication and accept during sex, and it is wholly all right if a placement just is n’t working, ” says Davis. “ I think we do n’t humanize sexual activity enough and think it ‘s constantly so pristine and perfective, when in fact it ‘s lusciously messy, funny, awkward and beautiful. ”

3. “What are the easiest things to keep in mind to master woman-on-top?”

Get out of your head and try not to overthink the process, suggests sexologist Malika O ’ Neill, LPC, and collapse and CEO of The Pleasure Collective, LLC. Overthinking things might psych yourself out and O’Neill says this is typically where people will find themselves either going off cycle or being so anxious that they are n’t able to find pleasure in the experience. “ Remember you ‘re in dominance and allow that to make you feel powerful. Let your hips guide you and do most of the bring, ” suggests O’Neill, adding that if you try to work out your entire body while on top, it ‘ll tire you out faster and you ‘ll likely lose stamen .

4. “Is there any particular rhythm you should try to move to during woman-on-top? I’ve heard (or read) that you should try to spell ‘coconut’ with your hips while on top. Why does this trick work? Are there any other easy tricks or words you can spell while on top to make it seem like you know what you’re doing?”

The “ coconut ” trick is capital, because it ‘s all rounded letters that are easy to “ spell ” with your hips. O’Neill besides suggests trying to spell the news “ cowgirl. ” Go at a medium pace that allows you and your partner to feel each cycle or letter — this not alone allows you to slow down enough to make things enjoyable, but you ‘re besides able to gauge your partner ‘s reaction and body lyric to see which letters they enjoy more than others .
Another easy flim-flam O’Neill suggests for Riding 101 is to try to create the letters “ W ” or “ M ” with your hips a well. You can besides have you or your partner try to create the letter “ O ” in slowly movement, she suggests. Get creative with it ! If you or your spouse find that you have a preference for round off letters or letters with lots of peaks and dips like “ W ” or “ M, ” incorporate those into your pelvis rhthym. You do n’t even have to ~spell~ anything. No one will tell if you ‘re barely hip-typing out “ WWWWWWWWWWWWWW ” a million times over if that ‘s what floats your boat !

5. “How do I tell my partner if I don’t enjoy being on top?”

“ We tend to be our most vulnerable selves while in sexual situations with our partners, so being strategic here could be important, ” says O’Neill. She suggests either directing your partner to a different position, which focuses on what you desire rather than what you do n’t like. Positives over negative, always ! You can say something like, “ I love when you take me from behind, ” alternatively of “ I do n’t like being up here. ”
O’Neill besides tells her clients to try to communicate using “ the compliment sandwich, ” aka sandwiching a remark about something you do n’t like, between two compliments .

6. “There’s a stigma that women who don’t enjoy being on top are ‘lazy.’ Should I feel guilty if I don’t like being on top? What are some very valid reasons you might not like being on top?”

First things inaugural, never feel guilty or bad about yourself for not wanting to be on top ( or anything else during a sexual site in general ), says O’Neill. It ‘s your body, and the whole point of sex is to provide a enjoyable experience for you and your partner. If both people are n’t enjoying it, what ‘s the luff ? As for some very valid reasons you might not be into being on lead, O’Neill says you might just prefer when your collaborator is in control, you might be afraid of heights, or you might experience sexual annoyance when on top for a assortment of reasons. Do n’t be afraid to voice your preferences and never feel obligated to get on acme if you hate it just because you do n’t want to seem “ faineant ” — that ‘s just not dependable .

7. “No, but seriously: How do I get over any insecurity about my looks while on top?”

fortunately, this one is all mental. “ We tend to have an idea from pornography that we need to be sitting straight up for his ocular pleasure, and that we need to have a perfective body to do sol, ” says Lynn Wolfbrandt, sex coach who specializes in female sex. In world, if you ’ re having sex with a man, “ it ’ s 99 % guaranteed that he ’ second having an perplex clock time, no count what you ’ ra doing, ” says Wolfbrandt .

“ It ’ south 99 % guaranteed that he ’ sulfur having an amazing time, no matter what you ’ re doing ”

Tap into your inner prima donna and make the here and now all about you and your pleasure. You know how fellow won ’ triiodothyronine realize you cut 10 inches off your hair for weeks until you literally bring up the fact that you did so ? There ’ s your proof that he won ’ thymine be criticizing your torso or anything to the degree you worry about. If you wan na take a mental break and step away from the chorus girl foreground for a moment ’, you can besides try getting on top while belly-to-belly, or even close your legs and thrust to get more clitoral pleasure, adds Wolfbrandt .

8. “How do I get into the position?”

Wondering how to segue gracefully over your partner ’ mho body ? “ Begin by kneeling over your partner and gently lower yourself down, ” explains Antonia Hall, arouse and relationship adept and generator of. “ From there, it ’ second easy to bounce up and down or rock your hips, adjusting your angle to stimulate your clitoris, ” she adds. You can besides try squatting with your feet flat. You ’ ll need more libra, but it opens your hips for deeper penetration .

9. “What do I hold onto during woman-on-top?”

The answer : Build a sex fortify. Okay not very, but it ’ randomness wholly cool to call in for furniture backup if you need. “ Do n’t be shy to use props specially if you have short legs or need excess support through the pelvic deck, ” says Fiona Gilbert, sexual health adviser. Folded towels, yoga bricks, pillows, sex furniture, are all your friends here .

10. “Why do people always say being on top is better for women, anyway?”

“ You have more command over the amphetamine, angle, and volume, so it makes it easier to keep it at a rhythm method of birth control that ’ s actually doing it for you. Your vulva and clitoris are also very accessible, and the huge majority of women find intercourse much more enjoyable if they are besides stroking or being stroked in this area, ” Layla Martin, sexpert extraordinaire and generator of Wild Woman in the Bedroom, explains. And then there ‘s besides the mental element of restraint : Taking the reins and doing things precisely 👏how 👏you 👏want 👏 can feel beyond hot .

11. “OK, but what can you try if you’re having trouble getting the right angle when you’re on top?”

Yes, in theory it makes common sense that being on top lets your clitoris get more stimulation, but if that angle fair is n’t happening for you, you ‘ve got options. To find that sweet descry, Martin suggests moving your body fore and back identical slowly, and left to right, to see if you can notice and slender differences in sense. Basically, trouble-shoot ! This content is imported from { embed-name }. You may be able to find the lapp message in another format, or you may be able to find more data, at their network web site .

excessively deep ? No trouble. “ If you are uncomfortable because the penetration feels besides deep, you can try lying forward and propping yourself up on your hands or forearms about like you are in a missionary position, ” Martin offers. And do n’t get discouraged if you do n’t get there right away. “ The key is to not get caught up thinking it’s not working and you need to fix it, but to focus rather on sensually discovering the spot that holds the greatest pleasure for you. ”

12. “How do you figure out how to move your body?”

once you ‘ve found the perfect angle, you can still get bogged down on how to move, specially if you think you have to be a dancer or person with faultless natural rhythm method of birth control in club to nail it. But all you need is practice : hall suggests starting by making small, slow adjustments to your hips or body until you hit that fresh spot .

“ You can use your branch muscles and core to move up and down, then cautiously lean forward or back to bring things into alignment, ” Hall says. ” Y our hands can go on the bed for support and balance as you move into positions that feel great for you, and what feels good much changes, so you should feel comfortable align as desired. ”

13. “What can I try if I just get really tired really quickly when I’m on top?”

It ‘s no surprise that being on top exerts a liiiiiiittle more energy than just lying there and noticing all the cracks in your ceiling. Martin counsels that you can always slow way down but adds, “ The biggest thing is to remember to breathe. If you ’ ve ever done intensifier workouts, you can go much farther and longer if you breathe profoundly. This will seem wholly natural since people tend to breathe much more intensively during sex. ” deep inhales and exhales can help you focus on sensation and not become exhausted indeed cursorily. This capacity is imported from { embed-name }. You may be able to find the like subject in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

But you can besides let your partner take over for a moment. “ Sex is a dance, ” Halls says. And your partner is probably going to move their hips a small excessively, because it feels amazing. She besides recommends leaning forward so you ‘re lying on circus tent of your partner in a sort-of missionary model to ease the strain ( and signal to them that they can contribute to the thrust american samoa well ) .

14. “Are there any workouts you can do to make on-top sex better for you?”

“ Great intimate stamina comes from military capability in your big muscle groups and a effective cardio routine, ” Hall says. “ Working on your legs and core will really help in the bedroom. I besides always advise doing Kegels, which will help strengthen your pelvic muscles, which means bigger, better orgasm. ”

15. “Are there any variations of the traditional ‘on top of my partner, facing them’ position? And WTF are they?”

You ‘ve got other choices ! For one, you can swing your way into inverse cowgirl, which Martin suggests can be “ enormously liberating. ” This is basically staying on clear of the penis, but leaning on your forearms, or sitting up, facing his toes rather of his expression.
BUT THERE’S MORE! “ There is an advanced military position where you are facing fore and you lean to one english, and position that hand down to support yourself and give your pelvis a light ski tow. The extra support and rebuff lift of your pelvis means you can undulate up and down with more range in your pelvis, and this can be super erotic, ” Martin explains .

16. “What are some good toys to add to woman-on-top sex?”

many women ca n’t orgasm with P-in-V sex alone, so it can be good to throw in an accessory. Hall says this is a great position for incorporating vibrators, and recommends a hand-held clitoral stimulator like the, a couples vibrator like the, or a hover cock ring like the .

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17. “Is there any way you could hurt yourselves with on-top sex?”

Woman-on-top sexual activity is actually the most coarse place for penile fracture, but it ‘s hush not madly common or easily to do. The main thing to do, according to Hall, is ease into things slowly every time, because you can injure your partner if you lean in a means that bends their penis uncomfortably, or bounce up and down so quickly that you fall on a badly angle and ache or even break their penis .

18. “What if I can’t relax?”

There are tons of other benefits to getting on top that you might not have realized. “ sex is very psychological, and for women to experience their deepest orgasm, there are parts of their brain that need to go dumb that have to do with judgment and restraint, ” says Martin. When you ‘re on your back, you might actually be more caught up in your head but when you’re on top, you’re forced to concentrate more on the physical act, which can help you truly let go.
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