Our readers shared some of their funniest sex fails ! Read on to hear some absolutely hysterical stories !
1. Get ready for a burning good time!
“ My best friend borrowed the KY massage set that I good bought. only one of the bottles was actually lubricate, the others were warming massage oils- not for familiar areas. They both ran out of the bedroom freaking out because it was burning so bad. ? ? ?
2. He gave himself that money shot…
“ He was on the bed and when he was about to cum he pulled me off and shot himself in the face and eye. ? ? ?
3. Extra lube??
“ I had been reading up on techniques for deep throating cause my bf loves that kind of thing. It was all going great until he broke our rule of not pushing my head down. I couldn ’ thymine handle the total pressure and I threw up on him as he finished. ? ? ?
“ I was on top of a guy having sexual activity when he got over delirious and grabbed me and tried to sit me on his confront BUT because he picked me up off his cock sol forcibly alternatively of landing on his confront I went flying over the top of him and off my bed doing a crumble roll hitting my point on my cupboard and confront planting it onto the floor…
He immediately came to the floor- but not to check if I was okay… he started licking me out and then fucking me. Once we were done I realized my impart side of my face was wholly bruised ALREADY and I chipped part of my tooth ! ? ? ?
5. That’ll be hard to explain to the doctor!
“ My best friend told me a report about her first base time giving a handjob. She ended up getting semen in her center and got an eye infection the following day. She even had to go get eye drops for the infection. ? ? ?
6. Damn Dog!
“ I come from a impregnable Catholic kin, so prenuptial sex is very frown upon. But after dating my boyfriend for over a year, we decided to give it a test while my parents were gone. We did it in my bedroom and right as we finished up my little buddy came home. My boyfriend took the condom off, put it in the negligee, and threw it under my go to bed. I forgot all about it.
Flash advancing to a week late, I hear a shriek from the kitchen, where my mother is doing the dishes. Come to find out, my little Shih Tzu, had went under my bed and grabbed the use condom. The dog proceeded to carry it downstairs and drop it at my ma ’ randomness feet. I was grounded for a calendar month and my boyfriend wasn ’ thymine allowed to come over anymore. ? ? ?
7. …Sounds like the perfect catch?
“ Imagine an incredibly aphrodisiac guy : 5 ’ 11 ”, covered in tats, great body, HILARIOUS sense of humor, screamo/punk rock hearer, history teacher/basketball passenger car ( my ambition guy, actually ). We hooked up a full of 3 times and I could nobelium long do it for fear of laugh .
I could not take the ridicule seriously… He was incredibly song, moaning more than me. He sounded like a girlfriend in a pornography. He ’ s a bang-up guy, great in layer besides that. He ’ mho still single ladies ! barely called off his third date ! ? ? ?
8. That’s one way to teach him to put clothes in the hamper!
“ My boyfriend and I had merely finished having sex, and he went to go put on a jersey. Well the one he grabbed off the floor happened to be the one we used the day before to wipe up the ‘ mess ’. gratuitous to say, when I reminded him he was wearing a jersey covered in semen, he decided to start putting laundry where it belongs ! ? ? ?
9. SVU would have a field day!
“ My fiancé starting having a nose shed blood during sex and by the time we noticed it looked like a murder scene. ? ? ?
10. It’s electric!
“ My boyfriend and I got one of those reclaimable hammer rings with wire controls. We didn ’ thymine know that the electrify had run bare ! phonograph needle to say, it was a identical ‘ shocking ’ experience ! ? ? ?
11. There’s spanking and then there’s this…
“ My partner knows I like to be spanked and he ’ mho last adjusted to the fact that I like to be spanked HARD. One night, he decided to be excess rough in ( to my joy, because he ’ south normally reasonably straightforward/missionary/wham bam done ). We were past the foreplay, I was wholly bare and getting ready for the second place of the night—doggy style .
We had been standing, so he slaps my buttocks and tells me to get on the bed on all fours. He slaps my ass doubly more as I ’ thousand getting onto the go to bed. The following bang was as I was lifting one peg up and over to get onto the bed…a HARD, misjudged slap directly to the fathead. Literally hurt soooo bad. ? ? ?