What Is A ‘Pillow Princess?’ And Why It’s A Damaging Stereotype

In the age of Urban Dictionary and internet memes, phrases to describe a person ’ s sexual preferences are invented on the reg. The trouble ? Some terms aren ’ triiodothyronine precisely decent. One you may have heard here and there is “ pillow princess, ” and while it might seem harmless, it can actually be debatable. In lawsuit you ’ re not conversant with it, the term is used to describe person who likes to hang back and let their partner do all the shape during sex. specifically, it normally means person who regularly receives oral sex, but doesn ’ triiodothyronine reciprocate it. The kernel is that a “ pillow princess ” is alone matter to in getting their rocks off, and not so much in trying to help their partner do the like. “ This term originated in the LGBTQIA+ community, specifically referencing lesbian and bi-sexual women who were predominantly or entirely concern in receiving pleasure via oral sex, quite than orally giving pleasure, ” explains Shawntres A. Parks, PhD, a license marriage and syndicate therapist and co-founder of Parks & Powers Psychotherapy. The term was first used in the ’90s, and made its way over to heterosexual communities after 2010, says Shannon Chavez, PsyD, K-Y ’ s arouse therapist. “ ‘Pillow ‘ refers to passive and ‘princess ‘ has been a condition used for person that wants special treatment, ” she explains.

As you can imagine, it ’ s in truth not a nice thing to say about person, although not everyone views the term in a bad ignite. “ My experience working with clients within the LGBTQ+ community is that ‘pillow princess ‘ is less stigmatize than in the uncoiled community, ” Parks says, noting that lesbian dating app HER actually allows users to apply a “ pillow princess ” badge to their go steady profiles. “ Although the ‘pillow princess ‘ nickname has been stigmatized in some ways, there are however many forums where there is acceptance for diverse intimate desires and preferences. ” This contented is imported from { embed-name }. You may be able to find the lapp content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web locate .

And certain, while it ’ second authoritative for sexual partners to give and receive, the term “ pillow princess ” feeds into some reasonably baffling stereotypes. here ’ s a breakdown of why this phrase is something you probably don ’ metric ton want to let pass through your lips .

“Pillow princess” is used to shame women discovering their sexual preferences in bed.

You ’ re not born knowing what you wan sodium get into between the sheets, and it takes time to figure that out. think of it this way : If you ’ re constantly focused on your partner ‘s wants and needs every moment of every sexual interaction, you ’ re never going to figure out what gets you off. “ The stigmatization may discourage women who want to explore their sex and learn about their bodies by experiencing oral arouse over penetrative sexual activity, ” Parks says. The end solution, then, could be that you never find out what works for you ( the horror ! ) —or it takes wayyyy longer than it should for you to figure out what gives you sexual pleasure .

It’s also used to shame women for being “lazy.”

When you hear “ pillow princess, ” you don ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate think person being super fired up and diving into the aphrodisiac situation unfolding in bed. rather, this person appears to be more of a Cleopatra, sprawled out while being waited on hand and foot. “ The term implies that the ‘pillow princess ‘ is not concerned in pleasing a partner and is going to lay back and receive without any motivation towards pleasing a partner, ” Chavez says. It besides has roots that stem from male-dominated society, Parks adds. “ patriarchal culture focuses predominantly on male pleasure and can reinforce the perspective that a charwoman who prioritizes her sexual pleasure is being ‘lazy ‘ in the bedroom, ” she says. “ I have experience working with women who feel judged and shamed when a male intimate collaborator labels them a ‘pillow princess ‘ in a derogative manner. This ultimately applies blackmail on women to prioritize their male partners ’ pleasure as disproportionately more meaning than their own. ”

FYI : Your joy is important, and these arouse positions can help put you in operate :

Terms like this undermine the fact that pleasure looks different for everyone.

here ’ s the thing : What works for one person doesn ’ thyroxine necessarily do it for another. “ There are no norms around sex, and implying that there are expectations or roles leads to problems in motivation and desire for sex, ” Chavez says. “ It besides leads to people judging others based on past intimate experiences. ” “ sexual activity positivity involves adopting a non-judgmental position within yourself first, ” Parks says. “ If your optimum sexual experience involves receiving oral sex as the overriding mode of pleasure, then you should go for it. ” She good recommends being upfront and open with partners about what you like and what your preferences are so you both know the grade .

The term can be used to shame women for wanting to receive pleasure.

Let ’ s be honest here : many people like to receive pleasure. Calling person a pillow princess “ implies that women who receive and enjoy receiving are somehow doing something wrong by enjoying [ that ] pleasure and sets the expectation that she has to be ‘active ‘ in sex in order to be ‘normal, ‘ ” Chavez says. The electric potential stereotypes generated from the term “ can stigmatize women who enjoy receiving oral sex and imply that they are not interest in equity within sexual partnerships, ” Parks notes .

It can make women feel insecure.

And very, that ’ s the stopping point thing you want in bed. Calling person a “ pillow princess ” can make them feel judged and afraid to ask for what they want sexually, Chavez says. Using the term only “ increases shame around how people enjoy intimate pleasure ” and “ leads to insecurities, ” she adds .
Korin Miller
Korin Miller is a freelance writer specializing in cosmopolitan health, sexual health and relationships, and life style trends, with workplace appearing in Men ’ s Health, Women ’ s Health, Self, Glamour, and more .
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