“I’m a pillow princess in bed and proud of it”

Melanie* and I have been friends for years. Both bisexual and both beautiful plus size women, it seemed inevitable that we would bang one day. It was even more inevitable when, at one drag club night in a basement in Manchester ’ s gay greenwich village, we both popped a pill and confessed our sexual attraction to each other. That night, we chatted, snogged and shagged in numerous toilet cubicles, smoking areas and finally, my bedroom. That night, and none of the nights since, have I reciprocated the cunnilingus performed on me. not just with Melanie, but most of the women I ’ ve sleep with. sexually, I identify as a pillow princess – this means, in its simple terms, a fagot charwoman who prefers to receive than to give – vitamin a well as a femme, bisexual, bratty bottom. This identity has caused me a draw of strife as I ’ ve navigated my thwart relationships and one night stands, as the estimate of taking, with no giving, has a bad reputation in the lesbian sphere. a well as being seen as selfish or lazy – or both – pillow princesses are frequently besides, unfortunately, dismissed as not being “ queer enough ” ( a crusade I already struggle in as a bisexual woman. ) Rebecca Stokes, a writer based in Brooklyn, defined the condition for Your Tango as “ a woman that will let another woman go down on her, but she will never go down on another woman. This is normally [ … ] a woman who is n’t out as a lesbian or who is bicurious and in the procedure of experimenting with her sex. ”a woman lying on a bed

Delmaine Donson

This notion, however, that receivers in the queer sphere are uncertain of their sex, is a harmful one. precisely as there are stone butches – a butch lesbian who lone wants to give, not receive – at one end of the lesbian sexual spectrum, conversely the pillow princess is a natural opposition. And being that reverse – a queer woman who wants to take, rather than give – shouldn ’ thymine be belittled for what is actually, a legitimate sex. As Reise, the CEO of Autostraddle, comments in this article, “ there ’ south more to fucking than licking a vagina and calling it a day. ” For me, and many like me, just getting head and roll over international relations and security network ’ t the drive of the game with my same-sex encounters. frottage, scissoring and common masturbation are all great ways to ensure gratification for both parties. Getting off on person else getting off on getting me off, is my favored character about any sexual run into with any gender. It is barely unfortunately harder for there to be a common forcible joy for my curie female partners in this exchange, in comparison to the old in-out, in-out, penetration with a heteronormative coupling .

“ Being a pillow princess is accepting adoration and pleasure because we deserve it ”

“ We all have our prefer roles during sex and just as there are tons of people who enjoy primarily receiving, there are besides tons of people who enjoy giving, worshipping and watching their partners enjoy themselves. ” Portia Brown, a intimate educator and director of Froetic Sexology, explains. “ The only time a pillow princess will have a baffling time finding a partner is when they are n’t diaphanous about their sexual desires. When we are open and gallant of our desires we can learn to attract the properly partners. ”
Being blatant about only wanting to get fucked, however, takes confidence. A fearlessness that is hard to muster among all the negative stereotypes surrounding this sex. Tess Robinson, a master adviser and self-confessed pillow princess, considers this negativity as a form of misogyny. “ Some partners think I ‘m lazy, friends I ‘ve spoken to about this remember I ‘m selfish, ” she considers, “ But it is precisely the same as being a man who is selfish in bed. ” I feel it is authoritative to note here, there is no “ pillow prince ”, heteronormative title for the curie straight male version of this sex .a couple kissing

Brad Gregory

Gwen Aker, who has identified as a pillow princess for over a ten, wishes to impress upon me that there is “ more than one kind of pillow princess ”. They clarify that they have “ met several people who self-identify as PP ’ s whose vogue and motivation aren ’ t the same as mine, one ally calls herself a “ top that wants to be bottomed ”. My travel started out as naivete and self objectification. I viewed myself through the male gaze and as an object sexual activity was done to, having been raised on internet pornography I didn ’ t know any better. ”

“ Being blatant about merely wanting to get sleep together takes confidence. ”

now, they comment, being a pillow princess is all about accepting and enjoying pleasure. “ I truly struggle to prioritise my own gladden and happiness and have a substantial problem with relinquishing control, ” they continue. “ so just laying back and being pleasured is one of the few aspects of my life where I manage to put myself first gear. ” Taking possession of wanting and allowing ourselves pleasure as women is a unmanageable subject, and female orgasms are however seen as a taboo by many. even in 2020, orgasm disparity is a huge problem for heterosexual commonwealth of independent states couples. While the shame surrounding sexual activity, combined with the ongoing “ mysteries ” of gay sex – due to male gaze based lesbian pornography and a lack of queer sex education in schools – might be an arguable font for the creation of a pillow princess, I feel this probable cause dismisses my means as an adult, gay womanhood .a couple kissing

Brianna R / 500px

Portia tells me that the stereotyped anxious or faineant pillow princess trope doesn ’ t have to apply to everyone with this identity. “ sometimes the pillow princess is n’t lazy or inexperienced, sometimes the pillow princess understands that receiving is OK. therefore much in sex we think being a good fan means giving, giving, giving, and there is some truth to that. ” Brown emphasises, “ There is a distribute to gain when you know how to enjoy person worshipping you without any shame. ” With this statement in heed, I implore myself and all pillow princesses to take pride in our identity. Our ability to overcome the female mark of shame around receiving and demanding pleasure in our lives, including our sex lives. Being a pillow princess is empowering. Being a pillow princess is accepting adoration and pleasure because we deserve it. In fact, I would ask all women – curious or not – to stop accepting the minimal in all aspects in our lives, and demand wax atonement from a world designed to make us feel guilty for wanting fulfillment. *Name has been changed to protect anonymity Follow Gina on Twitter and Instagram .

This subject is created and maintained by a one-third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their electronic mail addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *