Anal Sex Guide for Beginners

For some, the words “ anal sex ” prod feelings of euphoria and excitation. For others, it makes them immediately clench their butt boldness in panic. Whether you ’ re Team Love Anal, Team not For Me, or somewhere in between, there are a few things you should probs know about the sex act. For one thing, it ‘s manner more high-maintenance than other sex acts since the anus doesn ’ t self-lubricate like the vagina. This means you need lubricant —and lots of it, a well as batch of foreplay and training to have good anal arouse .

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second, you should make sure you ‘re comfortable talking openly and honestly with your collaborator, since communication is the most authoritative matter when having anal arouse, says University of Connecticut health department ob-gyn Shon Cooper, MD. “ Expectations should not be what you see on television receiver or read about, it ’ s what you and your spouse discus as expectations and fulfillment during intercourse. ” Which brings me to my adjacent point : Despite what you may see on movie screens or in pornography, anal never just *happens*—especially not good anal that actually feels good for both partners. There ‘s a lot of homework work that goes into making surely you have an enjoyable anal experience, and we have all the tips and tricks below for achieving just that. thus whether you ’ rhenium considering giving anal a try, are already obsessed, or are merely trying to learn something modern ( love to see it ), hera ’ s how to have anal—good anal ! —and walk away with an unharmed butt .

1. Heat things up with toys or lube.

Warming lubricate can help heighten joy and make you even more comfortable in the consequence. “ The heat that is created actually helps to bring lineage flow to the area and help increase stimulation to the pleasure receptors in the rectum/anus, ” says Niket Sonpal, MD, who previously told Cosmopolitan. But if warming lubricate aren ’ t your thing, no big deal. Consider trying a warming toy that heats up to equitable above your body temperature. similarly to lube, it ’ ll assistant relax your muscles and get the lineage flowing for what ’ south to come .

2. Go to the bathroom right after you’re done.

    precisely like peeing after vaginal sexual intercourse is a must to prevent UTIs, it ’ sulfur significant to go to the bathroom after anal ampere good. “ During anal sexual activity, there is a translation of inhabitant organisms near the anus toward the vagina and urethra, which increases the chances of vaginal infections and UTIs, ” says Ankita Gharge, MD. There ‘s a good chance you ‘ll credibly feel like you have to go to the bathroom anyhow .

    3. Understand your butt is probably going to queef.

    After anal sex, you have now, officially, opened yourself up to the joy of cigarette queefs. They ’ ra not farts, no matter what anyone says. Unlike frontal queefs, they might go on for a few hours as the breeze escapes. On the brilliantly side, you are a human beatbox, and your collaborator can lay a pale freestyle over the top if they feel indeed inclined .

    4. You have a higher risk of contracting UTIs.

      particularly those of you who are curie women. anal sex can increase the risk of STIs, particularly if hygiene is not all there, ” explains Dr. Cooper. In fact, according to her, cis-women are “ at least 17 times higher risk of contracting an STD during anal intercourse compared to vagina sexual intercourse. ” While that doesn ’ triiodothyronine intend you need to steer open of the loot, it does mean you need to keep things clean and have safe sex ( like, with a condom ) to protect yourself and your collaborator .

      5. Sit this one out if you have hemorrhoids.

        Whether you got them from pregnancy or not shitting for a week after operating room ( hi, it ’ s me ), hemorrhoids, which are a pillow-like bunch of veins found near your loot hole, are no fun—and they ’ ra something to consider when having anal sex. “ Hemorrhoids can become exacerbate during anal arouse resulting in rectal bleed, ” explains Dr. Cooper. And while a short bit of lineage is wholly normal ( more on that late ), if you already know you have hemorrhoids, chat with your department of commerce to find a solution if anal ’ second very something you want to try .

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        6. Sorry, but you actually can get pregnant from anal sex.

          Kind of. Depending on where your collaborator ejaculates ( and if they ejaculate ), if you ’ ra not careful with clean up, you *could* have a surprise in about nine months. While it ’ sulfur rare, if your partner ejaculates inside your anus but international relations and security network ’ thymine careful when they pull out, semen could leak down and get inside the vagina frankincense resulting in a pregnancy. Again, it ’ sulfur rare, but it ’ s another good reason to slap on a condom ( which makes clean up means easier, btw ) just to be safe .

          7. It’s perfectly fine to have anal sex while you’re on your period.

            evening though period sex is one of the arrant rejoice of life for many, if you ’ re not a fan of blood or you barely want to try something new, having anal sex while on your period is kind of amaze. “ many women report feeling more pleasure practicing anal sexual activity during their periods while wearing a menstrual cup inside their vaginas, ” says sex therapist Mia Sabat who previously told Cosmopolitan. obviously, the menstrual cup is thought to stimulate the inner walls of the vagina, which can be a vanadium dainty addition to the already erotic ace of anal sex .

            8. Stay away from enemas.

            If you ’ re a real neat-freak, you might be tempted to go above and beyond and use an enema anterior to anal think it ’ ll make the experience uninfected, but that ’ s a bad idea. “ I highly recommend against the use of enema, ” says Sabat. “ While some think enemas make anal play more hygienic, this is a highly misconstrue concept, ” she adds. “ Enemas bring many negative side effects as they can damage the area, irritate cells in the rectum, generate excess mucus, and cause dryness in the rectal area which can cause fissures and lead to the go around of STIs, ” she explains .

            9. Please, for the love of all good things, do not look to pornography’s depictions of anal sex as a model for how you think anal sex in real life should go.

            The anal sex you might see in pornography is a fantasy, Sabat says, and “ does not reflect how physiology truly works. ” So if you see jackhammering anally, know that it ’ s … not what you should be aiming for in any direction. “ Anal sex should be practiced lento, cautiously and safely, using a fortune of lubricant, ” Sabat explains, and most of all, “ should be enjoyable for everyone involved. ”

            10. Make peace with the fact that anal sex is…anal sex.

            “ Let go of any stigma, shame, or embarrassment surrounding faecal count, ” suggests Sabat. No, you ’ re not going to be swimming in feces, but steel yourself to not freak out if you do see some. “ It ’ s a natural separate of anal fun and don ’ t let it hold you back from enjoying a sincerely enjoyable experience, ” Sabat adds. If you ’ rhenium curious about anal play, focus on your pleasure, preferably than the fear of staining or possible elimination, as this can hold you back from enjoying an otherwise enjoyable experience, Sabat says. She besides adds that “ unless you have a discipline like ulcerative colitis that affects your digestive system, know that [ feces ] shouldn ’ thymine be a problem, ” You can try to go to the bathroom to have a intestine apparent motion advance, and Sabat says, if you wash yourself with soap and water ( outwardly ), before getting familiar, that ’ s probably to ensure you encounter “ little-to-zero faecal matter. ”

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            11. Relax your whole body.

            Foreplay and anal massage can be a great starter for a night of anal, but it ’ s besides important to make certain your entire body is relaxed. Sabat suggests massaging your lower bet on, caressing your inside thighs, and then lento working your direction up to massage the capture of your anus. “ The reason it ’ s therefore crucial to stay relax, both mentally and physically, ” Sabat explains, is “ to avoid tensing the muscles in the anal region involuntarily as this can much lead to a damaging or uncomfortable experience. ” You know your body best, sol any you have to do to relax your unharmed body and take care is well here. “ Do what feels natural, sensual, and appealing to you at your own yard, ” Sabat says .

            12. You might feel like you need to fart after, which is normal.

            “ After anal sexual activity, you may feel like you want to go to the toilet or have sensations exchangeable to flatulence, ” Sabat says. And while this could feel irritating or slightly obstruct, as Sabat explains, there ’ mho nothing to worry about if that ’ s all you ’ re feel after safe ( that means with a condom ! ) and enjoyable anal sex. “ Anal sexual activity is not dangerous if it ’ south practiced in a safe and creditworthy way, ” she says. Yes, it requires prison term and relaxation and some homework work, but if you ’ re focusing on your pleasure and being safe and clean and jerk ( aka not going from anal to vaginal ), you should be ticket .

            13. That being said, if something doesn’t feel right (beyond momentary flatulence like above), definitely call your doctor and get that checked out.

            “ If you find yourself feeling tender or uncomfortable after engaging in anal sex, you should consult your repair, ” Sabat says. Do n’t be embarrassed ! It might besides be a effective clock to reflect on your technique to see if anything you tried could be the cause of your discomfort, like not adequate lubricant or not taking enough time to relax and get into the consequence .

            14. Know that anal sex can be romantic and don’t be afraid to lean into that if you want to.

            It ’ s therefore crucial to be fully relaxed and aroused before anal. Sabat suggests intelligent of a illusion, interpretation or listening to an erotic fib, touching yourself, or any other self-love activities that can make you feel excited and comfortable to explore. “ Remember, it ’ mho o to embrace the romanticist side of this intimate act as well, whether you ’ re alone or with another person, ” Sabat adds. You can light candles, play music, or prosecute in early animal activities that make you feel more comfortable and turned on .

            15. Know that anal play can very much be considered pleasurable for women, even though you might not have a prostate.

            While the prostate and P-Spot is wide associated as being known for the cause why butt joint stuff feels indeed full for prostate gland and penis-having folks, there are batch of valid reasons why anal could hush be enjoyable for non-prostate having women a well. There ’ s not a lot of information on cis-women ’ sulfur motivations and attitudes on anal fun due to a lack of research surrounding the subject ( hawaii science, get on it ! ), as Amanda Cruz Gerena, counseling psychologist and sex therapist explains. however, she adds : “ the few studies that have centered joy in anal turn have found that what some cis-women determine enjoyable is : the arousing sense due to fantastic boldness endings, avoiding vaginal arouse due to menstrual menstruation, pleasing their sexual collaborator, the eroticization of trouble or discomfort ( which is probably related to the ‘ forbid experience ’ ), and arousing feelings of sexual submissiveness. ” Remember, a enjoyable experience can be good vitamin a much mental as forcible ! If you ‘re turned on by taboo and the exponent play know anal can entail, that ‘s valid excessively !

            16. Know some background about what anal sex entails (aka lube) and some basic ground rules (ie, don’t go from anal to vaginal without washing) before your first time.

            For newbies, you ’ ll want to prep and get lots o ’ lube quick before you go into things. Gerena suggests applying lube directly on the anus, angstrom well as adding lubricate to what you ’ ll be penetrating with ( be it fingers, a toy dog, a penis, and so forth ). Unlike the vagina, the anus does not self-lubricate, meaning you ’ ll be opening yourself ( or your spouse up ) to potential tears and cuts in the skin arsenic well as a hale distribute of pain if you go it unlubricated. If you ’ re using condoms and toys, go with a water-based lubricate, as these are condom and toy dog compatible ( petroleum and silicone based lubes can deteriorate the substantial in condoms or toys ). “ Researching for the properly lubricant is a must, ” says Gerena — so don ’ t assume the ol ’ trial-sized bottle of whatever you got from that sex store one prison term will be finely. It ’ s worth the prepwork to look into a estimable anal-specific lubricate if you can .

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            17. Don’t go from anal to vaginal in one session.

            It ’ second best to avoid going from anal to vaginal sexual activity says Gerena. Why ? Any bacteria found in your toilet can increase your risk at acquiring infections like UTIs, bacterial vaginosis, yeast infections, and more. If you absolutely must go from anal to vaginal, “ wash the penis, feel, or toy dog that was introduced in the anus before introducing it in the vaginal canal, ” says Gerena .

            18. Don’t forget the condoms and dental dams.

            Gerena says that alveolar consonant dams are a good informant of protection when you or your spouse lease in rimming. faecal bacteria is no joke and alveolar consonant dams are absolutely worth the peace of mind .

            19. If you haven’t already tried dipping into anal training, try that first. Your muscles probs need it!

            As the state goes, “ Don ’ t go from 0 to 60 without anal educate first, ” ( equitable kid, this international relations and security network ’ t actually a pronounce, but it should be ). Going from having nothing up your american samoa always to abruptly a whole penis can be jarring ( in many ways ). You can make it easier for yourself by anal train or gradually introduce larger and larger toys into your anus to “ gearing ” your muscles to get used to it .

            20. Get your space ready.

            The rumors are true : anal does have the possibility of getting messy. Like anything arouse related, when you ’ rhenium swapping bodily fluids, unwrapping condoms, using lubricate, there ’ s the likely to stain or make a mess. If you want extra peace of take care, make certain the surface you and your partner engage on is comfortable and washable. “ That way, you can focus completely on creating a memorable have for yourself, ” says Danyell Fima, cofounder of Velvet Co .

            21. Stay away from numbing creams.

            certain, the mind of a numbing skim that protects you from feeling any potential pain during anal is nice, but the risk for injury down the telephone line is not worth it. “ Avoid numbing creams. I know they are tempting, but annoyance is your soundbox ’ sulfur way of letting you know something is wrong, ” says arouse educator Wendasha Jenkins Hall , PhD. “ If your anus is numb, you can ’ metric ton tell if any of your activities are causing damage. You can ’ t feel if you need more lubricate or if your body is tightening up to the penetration or shock. ”

            22. Try it solo first.

            Take any press to perform off yourself by trying penetrative anal sex entirely first base. Get a miniature and a condom ( for easier killing ) and go at your own pace. “ Solo anal play allows your consistency ’ south sensations and responses to flow more freely, helping you gain a much better understanding of what feels good and what doesn ’ triiodothyronine, which you can then share with a partner before you try anal sex together, ” explains Jess O ’ Reilly, house physician sexologist at Astroglide .

            23. Don’t try it if you don’t want to.

            There ’ s a big remainder between “ I don ’ t inevitably fantasize about this but I want to blow my partner ’ second judgment ” and “ I would preferably die than do this but I guess I can suffer through it because they ‘ve been pressuring me. ” If you ’ re in a mutually care, healthy relationship ( with person who goes down on you for half an hour, minimum ), possibly you ’ ll want to do it for your partner or you won ’ thyroxine. Either way is a hundred percentage fine, and if they keep pressuring you when you have made it clear that it is not on the table, they ‘re not person you should be sleeping with .

            24. Try out non-penetrative anal play first.

            Before embarking on the wax monte of acute anal sex, you can—and should ! —give lighter anal play a try. This is outdoors to interpretation and could mean anything from toys to fingers or mouths. It ’ ll give you a lower-pressure theme of what the ~sensations~ of anal stimulation feel like and is a way of working up to the big show. Or not ! If you decide some light anal play is all you ’ re matter to in, camp out there everlastingly. No rules here, except to use lubricate, have accept, and USE LUBE .

            25. If it hurts, stop!

            Some, well, let ’ s call them newfangled sensations are to be expected—a lot of people say it feels like they need to poop or like a aboriginal, imperativeness feeling. But like any other arouse act, if things start to hurt in a way that ’ s no longer fun, you should stop. Injuries from anal sexual activity are possible but extremely rare. Pain most normally comes from anal fissures, or little tears in the tissue around the anus, which is very thin and delicate. A good means to remedy that is using lots of lubricant and smarting with smaller objects, rather than big ones.

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            26. You might bleed a little.

            As constantly, if you ’ re bleeding abundantly or persistently ( like for longer than an hour ), you should call a doctor of the church. But a little rake during anal play or sex international relations and security network ’ thymine abnormal. Partha Nandi, MD, a gastroenterologist and health editor with WXYZ-TV in Detroit, tells Cosmopolitan.com the most common reason for run after anal arouse is anal tears —small tears or fissures in the delicate anal canal tissue. Before you freak out at the idea of “ anal tears, ” know that most of these are so bantam you won ’ t even feel them, and a draw of them don ’ thymine produce any lineage at all. But, like snowflakes, no two anal tears are the same, so yours may bleed a bite. These little guys should heal within a few days but may cause a morsel of balmy discomfort when you ’ rhenium pooping. Another in truth common cause is a hemorrhoid ( yup, we ’ ra talkin ’ hemorrhoids, folks ) you didn ’ thymine know about. This is a piece more alarm, because a hemorrhoid holds a bunch of lineage inside. You ’ ll probably feel some level of discomfort or annoyance if you have a hemorrhoid, and if it bursts, you ’ ll decidedly see some bleed that should wholly subside within a few days .

            27. You’re gonna wanna be vocal during this process.

            even if you ’ re normally identical quietly during sex, this is a time you ’ ll pale na speak up—especially your first clock trying it out with a new partner. Tell them if they ’ re going besides fast ( or besides slowly ), if you feel like you ’ re literally about to poop everywhere or if you ’ rhenium experiencing pain/discomfort. besides, tell them if it feels dependable ! If you ’ re palpate nervous, chances are your partner is excessively. plus feedback—we love it !

            28. Throw other stimulation into the mix.

            Listen, they don ’ t make those wild-looking, three-pronged sexual activity toys for nothing. Once you ’ re in the groove of things, add in some clitoris stimulation, some vaginal foreplay, or heck, all three. Some people say this jazz band feels overstimulating in the best way. In any case, most women need some combination of stimulation to orgasm—whether that ’ s clit/vaginal, or anal/clit+vaginal is wholly immanent. But international relations and security network ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate it fun to learn newly things about your own orgasms ?

            29. Even if you’re monogamous, a condom is probably a good idea.

            It prevents bacteria from the bowels spreading anywhere. ( I know, you very wan sodium sleep together now. ) Sexpert Emily Morse advises keeping baby wipes on the nightstand and to “ never use the lapp condom going from vaginal to anal and back again. ” For obvious reasons/poopy vagina .

            30. The right lube is twice as important as it is when having vaginal sex, which is already super important.

            You might have heard that besides much takes away the friction that makes it feel good for the fellow. That ’ sulfur talk through one’s hat. There is no such thing as excessively much, because it makes it feel slenderly less like you are using your butthole as a bag for a flashlight .

            31. Between thin water-based lubes (like ) and thicker ones ( ), go with the thicker ones, because they don’t dry out as quickly.

            In sex educator Tristan Taormino ’ s crazy-helpful, she mentions that Crisco has been a favored of the LGBTQ+ community for a hanker time, but it ’ south badly to use with condoms because it can finally poke bantam holes in the latex paint. The oil-based ones are besides pretty annoying to get off subsequently. We used Vaseline, but my boyfriend late realized that it deadens sensation on the bark, which was obviously helpful for my asshole but bad for his orgasm. So possibly don ’ thyroxine do that or start with a snatch of that but then switch, because it ’ ll take truly long for your partner to come, if they even can .

            32. Getting the tip in hurts the most, because the head of the penis is the widest part.

            once you ’ re past that and up to the shaft, it ’ ll feel a little better. Remember how irritating it was receiving vaginal sex for the inaugural time was ( at least, for some of us ) ? It ’ s the same hand here since frequently the promontory of the penis is wider than the rest. Take things v-e-r-y dull and emit through the insertion—it gets a fiddling better after the initial intrude !

            33. Relax your PC muscles as much as possible.

            Relaxing and constricting the pubococcygeus ( personal computer ) muscles is like the anal version of doing. You can worry about that subsequently on—right now barely let your butthole muscles go, like you ’ re about to poop ( you won ’ thyroxine, probably ) .

            34. You’re going to freak the fuck out that you’re pooping but you’re not.

            honestly, it becomes hard to tell if you are or aren ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate, but you ’ re probably not gon na poop. If there ’ s a little bite of stern, as my partner said, it ’ s not a big softwood, because “ [ he ] asked for this. ” ( There wasn ’ thymine. )

            35. You can lie flat on your stomach, get in doggy-style, or do missionary—and that is the order of what will hurt the least to the most.

            At least, in my ( minimal ) know. You can tear your anus if you use a certain placement that allows for more penetration before you ‘re fix, and Taormino points out that the missionary position allows for the least clitoral foreplay and suggests receiver-on-top for beginners. “ Insertive partners who are inexperienced, aflutter about how to penetrate their partners anally, or fearful of hurting their partners may find this position most loosen because the receiver can do much of the decision-making and exploit. ” Don ’ metric ton worry about disappointing your partner by wanting to go dull and lightly. You ’ re not being a buzzkill who ’ s squashing their porn-influenced fantasies of pounding the crap out of a butt. You are being an amazing and altruistic ( if butt sex is not on your list of must-have sex ) spouse .

            36. If you despise it, never do it again.

            It shouldn ’ t take you a few beastly rounds to last decide it ’ s not for you. If you hate it, you hate it, and that is all right. I didn ’ triiodothyronine hate it, and it was psychologically gratifying to watch my collaborator ’ south mind being blown. I ’ five hundred do it again as a “ extra occasion ” thing, like on our anniversary … or Flag Day .
            Anna Breslaw
            writer .
            Carina Hsieh
            Sex & Relationships Editor
            Carina Hsieh lives in NYC with her french Bulldog Bao Bao — follow her on Instagram and Twitter • Candace Bushnell once called her the Samantha Jones of Tinder • She enjoys hanging out in the candle aisle of TJ Maxx and getting lost in Amazon spirals . Rachel Varina
            Rachel is a full-time mercenary writer covering everything from the best vibrators to the best television receiver shows to watch with your family .
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