Is Sex on a First Date OK? Relationship Experts Give Hookup Advice.

Should you have sex on the first date ? That ‘s a load question, particularly for women. even in 2020, some women silent believe that if they have sex on a first date, they ‘ll automatically be labeled “ not marriage material. ” ( You know the previous say : “ Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for detached ? ” Yeah, that ‘s a dense saying. ) “ There is still some holding onto what people might call outdated dating values, ” says Lawrence Siegel, a clinical sexologist and sex educator. “ Either there is distillery a stigma, or there is a reverence that there is a stigma. ” But while we typically think of the “ should I have sex on the foremost go steady ? ” motion as exclusive to women, men struggle with this interrogate, excessively — albeit in a different way. If a guy has sexual activity on the first go steady, it ‘s basically a sign to the other person that all they care about is arouse, even if that ‘s not necessarily the case. And if it is the case, having sex on the inaugural date can send desegregate messages to the other person. “ I ’ ve been on dates before where I turned down sex on the first date, despite being attracted to the other person, because of the likely repercussions, ” JC*, 34, told Men ‘s Health. “ I could tell she was feeling a more aroused connection than I was. ”

fortunately, the stigma surrounding sex on the first date is quickly changing. According to a survey conducted by OkCupid, 46 percentage of users would consider having sexual activity on the first date. “ today I think we are having much more sex on the first date because of technology, deoxyadenosine monophosphate well as more relax attitudes about sexual activity, particularly for women, ” says arouse therapist Dr. Debra Laino. indeed should you have sex on the first date ? The solution, for Siegel, is “ a make noise : it depends. ” here are some times when you should and shouldn ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate have arouse on a first date .Party

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Hell, yes, you should have sex on that first date!

There are a few reasons why sexual activity on the first base go steady international relations and security network ’ metric ton good not a bad estimate, but a actually great one .

1) It helps establish whether you have chemistry.

More frequently than not, it takes time to figure out if another person is the correct one for you. But every once in a while, you meet person and you good know. “ I ‘ve had three, three-year-plus relationships and they all started with sex on the inaugural date, ” says Alex, 38. “ The way I look at it is, if you lust after person that you do n’t know terribly well, it can still be a damn good begin to a longstanding kinship. And I think it alleviates a distribute of atmospheric pressure. ” If you truly like person, you should n’t let outdated date rules get in the manner of that. “ If a guy/girl doesn ’ t call the guy/girl after a first date that ended with sexual activity, it wasn ’ thyroxine because of the sexual activity, ” he says .

2) You get to, uh, have sex.

“ If it feels good, right, and there is enthusiastic and identical clear accept, it ’ south kind of hard to find a downside, ” Siegel says. If you both are attracted to each other, why contend that or put off joy ? And if you ‘re not as into them afterwards, you only expedited the inevitable end. Waiting to get familiar wouldn ’ t have changed your lack of pastime following arouse .

Eh, maybe you shouldn’t have sex on the first date.

1) You might lead the other person on.

If both partners are looking to have fun, hook up, and share ways, then that ‘s one thing. But if she ‘s looking for something serious and you ‘re not ( or vice versa ), then that ‘s another floor wholly. “ [ Your partner ‘s ] post-sex expectations can be painful if both parties aren ’ thymine on the same foliate, ” says JC. If things are getting hot and heavy, and it starts to look like first-date sexual activity is in the cards, you need to ensure you guys are both on the like page. That can be deoxyadenosine monophosphate simple as saying, “ Hey, I ‘m down with this if you are, but I good want to be clear up that I ‘m not looking for anything serious good now. ” You ‘re not a jerk for being honest, and it can mitigate the gamble of hurt feelings later on down the road. ( You decidedly do n’t want to hook up with her, and then tell her you ‘re not looking for a good relationship. That ‘s a tug move. )

2) You might do something you’re uncomfortable with, particularly if you’ve been drinking.

There ‘s a stereotype that all guys are concerned in having sexual activity with all women, all the fourth dimension, but there are many lawful reasons why you might not want to have sexual activity on a first base date — possibly you ‘re not attracted to the person, or possibly you have a history of unsatisfying one-night stands and you want to reverse the radiation pattern. Whatever the reason, if epinephrine ( and alcohol ) are flowing, that ups the risk of you doing something you might late regret.
“ When you ’ re in the heating system of the here and now, you ’ re trying to figure out your policies, belief system, and what you will and won ’ thyroxine do, ” says Siegel. “ Figuring all those things in that moment is not an blink of an eye calculus. When there is doubt and when you think, ’ I ’ m not going to say NO and ruin the even or overturn my date, but I ’ molarity not wholly into this, ’ it may just end up being, ‘ I will give in and bide my time. ’ And that ’ s not accept. ”

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3) First-date sex can be pretty terrible.

evening if you ‘re extremely attracted to your date, the sex still might not be bang-up, merely because you do n’t know what they like in bed. If this happens, you might be more probably to write the other person off ( or have your partner write you off ), when in truth, all you guys very needed was more practice. “ If the chemistry is right and it feels particular enough that it doesn ’ triiodothyronine feel like a beginning date, then the arouse can be fantastic, ” Joe, 31, says. “ If you ‘re both bombed in a herd club and nodding even when you can ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate hear her, just to keep her happy enough to drop her pants late, then it credibly won ’ t be very good. You credibly won ’ t even remember her name. ”

So what’s the ultimate takeaway on sex after a first date?

It depends. The key is to remember the importance of honest communication —both with your date and with yourself. If it feels right, and if you ‘re open and truthful about what you ‘re looking for, then go for it. If not, then there ’ s no damage in waiting. And remember : Outdated social norms should not influence your decision one way or the early .

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