Why the women’s magazine still has a lot to learn about lesbian sex.
Cosmopolitan magazine decided to showcase how oh-so-inclusive they are of the les/bi community by publishing a “ 28 lesbian Sex Positions ” article online—with hilarious results .
We ’ rhenium thrilled, in hypothesis, that Cosmo decided to include us lesbian ladies in their hearing. I was beginning to think we ’ five hundred been shunned .
And with Cosmo already giving terrifying arouse tips to straight people it appears they ’ ve widened their net income to include us lady loving ladies excessively. Which was a lovely gesture, but horrifyingly executed on a general scale .
immediately although a few of them are some of my personal favorites, I did think 28 positions was slightly excessive. It ’ second about as though the Cosmo think-tank team sat brainstorming for hours and, once they ran out of ideas, basically invented some limb-strainingly dangerous positions in stead of actually consulting real life lesbians or precisely limiting the list.
It appears that Cosmo assumes that the only thing lesbians can do ( that doesn ’ triiodothyronine include wearing a harness ) is poke at each others clitorises ( clitori ? ) and so clearly created some terrifying arouse positions that encourage lesbians to attempt peculiar and downright dangerous foreplay .
Starting with my favorite absurd assumed lez-position, “ The Kinky Jockey. ”
Whilst riding her – “Tug on her hair while you rub your clitoris against her tailbone.”
Who on ground has ever tried that ? badly ? now although a little hair pulling can always strike a chord, wiggling yourself over the *tailbone* of your partner would be at best hilarious and at worst humiliating .
I can ’ triiodothyronine think that lesbians all over the area are grinding themselves against the backs of their partners, screaming “ Thank you, Cosmo for inviting us into this new world of airy pleasure ! ” I think they ’ re just frowning over their keyboards at them, like me .
“Have your partner kneel on all fours and grind your hips against her butt”
A ridicule did this on a prepare to me once, and it was about a police matter. Cosmo seems to think that we lesbians must get bored of good stroking aside at each other so surely we ’ ll need some suggestions of something to keep us occupied interim ?
But if person began behaving like an un-neutered pawl while trying to get me off, I ’ d put a arrest to it quicker than you could say “ Sadistic Suggestion. ”
“Have your partner sit in a chair… Now she has all-access for oral sex.”
Thank you, Cosmo, for this small nugget. however, would we have known how to acquire full moon access without this muscle-maimimgly dangerous tip ? Let ’ s not evening go down the “ arouse on Spindly Furniture ” route.
Read more: How to Have More Pleasurable Doggy
equitable looking at the picture, I wonder if the graphic interior designer creditworthy was actually sniggering over his/her keyboard as he drew what is very clearly this inadequate blond about to snap her neck and/or elbows .
“Have your partner sit on a chair & straddle her… you can grind your pubic bone against hers”
Can we ? Thank you, Cosmo. Excuse us while we write that down. This is the screen of information you can expect from the mind entrust at Yahoo Answers, correct down the bottom of the list .
The proofread read team must have been having a day off as this Top Tip slipped through the edit procedure. Isn ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate this basically merely dry hunch in the most inconvenient and uncomfortable means possible ? My kitchen chairs are safe for the here and now, thank you .
“Stand behind her and reach around with one hand to finger her”
OK, now although I don ’ t disagree with this one in hypothesis, it ’ s the exemplification that baffles me the most. *They ’ ra standing in heels* How many lesbians do you know who can stand in heels, let alone during sex. particularly commodity sexual activity. not naturalistic at all, Cosmo .
“Have your partner create a bridge with her upper back on the bed and her feet on the floor… And grind your pubic bone against hers.”
This one was the worst, in my impression. Are they kidding ? actually think about the practicalities of this one. I can only assume this was slipped in by some bitter, jilted man on the Cosmo half-time team after finding out his ex-wife is a lesbian now. clear sabotage .
Asking your partner to arch her back over a 90degree angle and then sitting on her is the sex-tip equivalent of advising your cuisine-challenged ally to defrost a chicken in a bury of warm body of water. Snapped Spine, anyone ? Do NOT try this at dwelling.
Read more: 21 Actually Mind-Blowing Anal Sex Positions
The tilt goes on. nowadays although a bunch of them are valid suggestions, the list reads more like a promptly compiled solicitation of positions by lesbians from pornography. Positions that are created for on shield, for men to enjoy, but not a great representation for real-life gay women .
Thank you, Cosmo, for trying. But possibly adjacent time, rather of attempting to list angstrom many as you can and chucking in some drawings of ( what looks like straight ) women having disability-inspiring sexual intercourse, try to ask actual lesbians what we do. The answers may actually make for a far more concern read than this absurd offer .
About the generator : E. J. Rosetta is an LGBT Columnist and coffee addict exist in the UK .