Lube the tube
photograph : Maude Get to know your lubes. If you ’ re good fingering down there, you don ’ t have to worry about lube-toy compatibility. But, as Bongiovanni says, understand that while “ silicone lubricate lasts the longest and has the most semivowel, [ it ] isn ’ thyroxine compatible with silicone toys, ” and while “ water-based lubes are compatible with all toys and barrier methods, [ they ] absorb the fastest and need to be re-applied often. ” Oil-based lubes are some of the slipperiest out there and most-hydrating, he says, but can break down latex paint. If you ’ rhenium dizzy from those deets, try testing the waters with an ~aesthetic~ lubricate couple ( one is organic, the other is silicone ) for the nightstand by Maude, which is like the Aesop of lube-makers . Shine Duo, $20 at Maude
Baby’s first butt plug
… Should be a little, sharpen play made out of glass, which is one of the easier materials on the buttocks. It ‘s vitamin a smooth as it gets, and besides great for temperature play, possibly a small bulblike for a first plug, but we know you ’ re here to train that anus. That besides means getting a toy dog you have chemistry with—and possibly, in the immortal words of 311, “ Amber is the color of your energy ? ” This glass anal plug looks nice enough to leave out on the nightstand or bathroom shelf, leaving your fan to wonder if it was spun from tree fool. ( Or was it stolen from that old dandy ’ s amber cane in Jurassic Park ? ) The mystery of it all … Glas Over Easy Butt Plug, $38.99 $25.29 at Ella Paradis
You’re more of a metalhead
The “ stainless ” view of stainless steel steel has never held more weight, in our hearts and our bums, than now. This metallic element founder ’ second hack comes with either a purple or “ rhombus ” bejeweled tip, in true pirate smasher manner, and is besides great for temperature act . Iconic Brands The Silver Starter Bejeweled Plug, $14.99 $9.79 at Ella Paradis
You came here with a long-haul strategy
God, we love people like you. You came here with a design, and with barely enough tapered, beginners anal plugs to Goldilocks your way into finding out which size works best for you. This glass set will train your tramp, and help you discover if you ’ re craving more texture, weight unit, or length up there. They ’ re a cigarette boudoir staple, and no matter what plugs or arouse toys you may move on to tomorrow, they ’ ll always be there for you whenever you want to step in or out of anal play. They ’ ll besides decidedly have you at full tentacle-plug dally by the holidays ( thus here ’ s an mind : use them to make a birth ! ) . Adam & Eve Booty Boot Camp Training Kit, $29.95 at Adam & Eve
The gateway plug to anal vibrations
See how narrow-minded this ballyhoo is ? Different bums have different needs, but this is generally what a novice should be looking for. first time users, consider lubing this tapered toy up and playing with it vibrationless. then, you can explore its six unmanned oscillation levels and [ MTV airhorn ] 15 patterns. once more, for the horny bros in the back : This toy is unmanned, so you can amp up your fan ’ s vibration whilst checking in on your other duck à l’orange . B-Vibe Novice Plug, $223.99 $152.89 at Ella Paradis
You’re ready for a thicker vibrator
photograph : Lovehoney Same as above, but a tad dense and with 10 functions for folks who need fewer bells and whistles ( and more cinch ) . Butt Tingler 10 Function Vibrating Butt Plug 3.5 Inch, $24.99 $24.99 at Lovehoney
You’re ready for a thicker, textured vibrator
That ’ south where the Firefox browser fox went ! This plug is on the thick side, but its swirly texture makes it a solid transitional plug for slowly twisting up into your idler, much like you ’ d open a all right bottle of wine. Search, explore, and crop through six different vibrational patterns, on land or in the tub ( it ’ mho besides “ splashproof ” ). Plus, it ’ mho $ 50 off right now . B-Vibe Swirl Textured Butt Plug (Medium), $170.99 $114.09 at Ella Paradis
The Cadillac of remote controlled prostate massagers
LELO is the godhead of some the best luxury sex toys on the marketplace ( have you seen the brand ’ s latest G-spot-clitoral vibration ? it ’ randomness reasonably pale ), and beloved by people who enjoy repose, high-design sex toys that will look great sitting casually on their copy of Robb Report. naturally, LELO ’ s remote-control prostate massager—sorry, Hugo—is a testament to that quality-driven engineering. There is not one, but two herculean motors, “ one vibrating deep inside and the other offer external perineum stimulation, ” and the outback works up to about 40 feet ( 12 meters ) away. Of course it ’ sulfur waterproof, so bring it on the Sea-Doo . LELO Hugo Prostate Massager, $219 at Babeland
The prostate massager made of Cool Whip
Read more: Weird Sex Positions You Need To Try
finally ! We love all the clean, bike-seat-looking prostate toys. But we were besides waiting for one that looked like it was carved from the errant, free-falling semen of a god on Mt. Olympus. The trident form of this prostate gland massager is flexible, ample, and easy to hold, yet it wrangles three inches of crook cinch for hittin ’ that prostate precisely right. Zeus would never. ( But besides, he would. ) . Aneros Helix Trident Prostate Massager, $54.99 at Lovehoney
The vibrating strap-on
once you ’ re ready for full penal and/or wand penetration, choose for a placid dildo like the Siren. It comes with an optional, insertable fastball vibrator ( when you ’ re ready ), but its even, placid texture lets you glide into deep anal penetration. note : besides great as a strap-on . Siren Dildo, $119.99 $89.99 at Babeland
You own a cloak, don’t you?
photograph : Lovehoney A bulblike or textured surface is going to be a little next-level when it comes to dildos. This curved one is just so enchant, and ( when by rights cleaned and sanitized ) can go right up a spouse ’ mho vagina—or front border, as a Midwestern ma once said—as well . Beaded Sensual Glass Dildo 7 Inch, $39.99 at Lovehoney
Forget the pearl necklace
photograph : Lovehoney It ’ sulfur all about the boodle crumb drag. anal beads are a pretty straightforward, bendy little string of calibrate, insertable pleasure that can add a little zhuzh to your culminate when sloooowly pulled out at the justly time. This is indeed a long, tall Texan of a set—but good attend at how small the first bead is. This is a chain to explore over time, and grow honest-to-god with . Lovehoney Classic Silicone Anal Beads 10 Inch, $16.99 at Lovehoney
Find your kink
photograph : Etsy thus, this is cursed. But we love cursed sex toys ( no kink-shaming here ) ! And now we can know what Ariana Grande feels like when she rocks that pony dock through performance antics. Rest assured : This 24-inch, beflamed faux-hair ponytail is besides easily washable. Just “ reserve by the punch end and brush from chew to end, merely like you would your own hair. ” As one reviewer wrote, “ Ein schönes langes Pony Tail. Sehr schön. ” A long, beautiful ponytail. so beautiful. See you at the trough . Vegan Flame Ombre Pony Tail Butt Plug, $52.99 at Etsy
The whole smorgasbord
photograph : Ella Paradis Look around, you seasoned butt player. All of this [ gestures to ~chocolate~ factory ] is yours with a kit like this one, which comes with all you need to stay preen, prepped, and please. There ’ sulfur a static butt ballyhoo, vibrating butt plug, graduated anal beads, and a douche for porsterity . Fifty Shades of Grey Pleasure Overload Starter Anal Kit (4 Piece Kit), $87.99 $58.79 at Ella Paradis
Protect ya bed
The oscilloscope of sex furniture is therefore rich people, and there ’ randomness sincerely a pillow, sofa, or hacek for every imprint of sexy prison term out there ( see : the Nugget After Dark community ). We know you already have a blanket to lay down for anal play, but wouldn ’ t you preferably have a smaller throw that is stain-proof, moisture-proof, and can be well tossed into the laundry machine at warp speed ? Think of it like a easy, velvet butt tipple . Liberator Fascinator Throw, $191.99 $126.99 at Ella Paradis
Have the wipes on hand
photograph : cake Think about it : Adults use wipes for our faces, stainless steel appliances, tile floors, electronics—so why did we abruptly decide to stop keeping our rears extra clean ? Seems like a eldritch transgression from babydom, IMO. Keep these on handwriting, and love yourself more. “ We made sure they ’ rhenium pH-balanced, ” explained the makers at Cake, “ and added honeysuckle for skin softness. ” As if that wasn ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate thoughtful enough, they besides come in on-the-go packets for when you want to do anal stuff in the PT Cruiser.
Bottoms Sexual Play Cleansing Wipes, $12 at Cake now that we ’ ve set the view, let ’ s roll up those sleeves ! The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the farce featured in this fib. VICE may receive a humble commission if you buy through the links on our locate .